Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Mothering? Maybe I am just not cut out for this.

Being a parent is hard; being a work from home mother is even harder.  I struggle juggling a very part time job (that we need) and a very busy, fussy, strong-willed baby.  I usually feel like I am not doing enough with her, while I am trying to get work done, then feed her, take a walk, clean up our messes from play, cooking dinner, etc.  And then there is naptime.  The time when my blood pressure rises and I seriously wonder why we had children.  Naptime.  I love it.  I hate it.  My child doesn't sleep well.  Refuses to nap, and pretty much will scream in her crib for hours on end if we'd let her.  Yes, we have tried every method, I have read every book; we leave her to cry, we ferberize her, we don't let her cry and continually go into comfort her, I nurse her, change her, snuggle her, nothing works.  Right now we are in a rut, where she refuses her morning nap, even though she is tired; and she only takes 1 nap during the day, which lasts exactly 60 minutes.  Sixty minutes, that is all I have in my 11 hour day to take a break from hollering and screaming and demanding my time.  60 minutes to clean up, to try to finish work, to rest.  Its not enough for me, and its certainly not enough for her.  She gets up from this 1 hour nap cranky, and proceeds to get crankier as the afternoon goes on, and this continues right until bedtime.  It-is-hard.