The Name Game - 33 weeks pregnant

One thing that I wanted to discuss in this blog is what I call The Name Game.   Deciding on a name for your child, deciding whether to tell people the names you are thinking of, or keep them secret; or taking it to the other end of the spectrum and choosing a name while baby is in utero then calling the baby that name until they are born and creating a personality around the name you have already chosen.   Somewhere in the middle of keeping names a secret, and deciding a name right away are those folks who wait until baby is born and you meet them before choosing a name that suits them.  I guess I will start by saying we are the former of those choices; I don't know what I will choose to name this little one until I meet him or her, maybe she does look like those names I keep tossing around in my head, but maybe she/he does not?  So, I am going with the 'roll with it' philosophy and we will choose a name when we meet this little stranger.

29 weeks, catching up in the third trimester.

It's been a long time long time without posting; and there are so many reasons for that.  I haven't been so stressed about being pregnant, so the need for blog therapy hasn't presented itself as much as it did earlier in my pregnancy, but mostly because Josh and I have been busy getting ready for this little baby!    If you had read this blog in the past  (I've been blogging since 2007) you'd know that we bought a house that had lots of fixing up to do.  We have built a basement, bathroom, bedroom, landscaped most of the yard, added a deck, patio, raised gardens, and now we are finishing things up by painting and adding new flooring to the upstairs.  We will also finish drywalling the laundry room, add slate tile to the dining room and kitchen and will get new carpet for the living room.   This is a lot of work in general, but now that I am in my third trimester its making it a lot harder for me to help with the house projects, even though we need all hands on deck to complete them.  On top of just getting ready for the baby and all the house projects; our foundation which we had repaired when we bought the house is still settling and we have to have more work done on it, which was not a problem before we drywalled the downstairs, but now that the project is complete and we have to tear holes into the drywall that we hung ourselves feels like a step backward and another project that needs to be completed before baby is here. I am worried it all won't get done in time, but am trying not to stress about it. 

Breast is Best, Part 2

This is continued from my previous post from a few days ago about breastfeeding, and I wanted to share how I actually feel about nursing this baby myself, which is different than my opinion about nursing.   As I have said so many times in this blog, pregnancy is not what I expected at all, and I expect breastfeeding and childbirth will be the same way.  Just because I do think breastfeeding is best, doesn't mean that it will work out for me the best, and I wasn't saying that it would.  I don't think having a positive opinion of nursing and wanting to nurse  myself means that it will go perfectly for me at all; but I can hope right?  Isn't thinking positively about a difficult task the better way to approach it?   That attitude, combined with being stubborn (sometimes to a fault) has helped me accomplish some tasks in my life that I am very proud of, like running a marathon or hiking peaks over 14,000 feet.  So, I choose to adopt that same attitude about childbirth (our birth is planned for a birth center unless there is a medical reason that I cannot deliver there) and breastfeeding.  But I don't think that necessarily means everything will work out that way, and if it doesn't, then I will bend in the wind and change.  I don't think giving my opinion about nursing means that I am judging other people for not nursing, its just what I think, and when people comment with their opinions it helps me to learn and think about situations differently.  

Breast is best, isn't it?

It's been a few weeks since I posted, and mostly it's due to my annoyance with people taking the blog personally, but I've also been very busy trying to get the house ready for my parents visit (which has now come and gone) and of course for baby too.  But now I have some more time on my hands, and lots more thoughts in my head so I write on :)

To get it out in the open, right away, it annoys me that we are a society that doesn't breastfeed as a common rule anymore.  Instead, nursing is scoffed upon by society, I have heard words like "gross, disgusting" and "I don't want to have to see that in public;" women are requested to use the bathroom, of all places, to nurse.  Who wants to eat a meal while sitting on the toilet?  Not me, and not my child either!   Besides, how unsanitary is that?  Yet, we don't provide places for nursing mothers to feed their children at most locations, and many people react negatively when seeing women in public nurse.  Over the years, I have heard nursing mothers share their unfortunate stories of people calling them "gross" or telling them to "go somewhere private."  Even popular Victoria's Secret, who openly allows nursing mothers to use their dressing rooms, had an incident where a female employee turned away a nursing mother wanting to use the privacy and comfort of their dressing rooms; this happened in 2005 and prompted a protest by nursing mothers to breastfeed at their local VS store.  (click here and here for articles on this subject).  Some of my friends at the time participated in the "Feed-In" protest, which I thought was awesome!

Acceptance? I think so...19 weeks pregnant

It might sound awful to some that I have finally hit the 'acceptance' phase of this pregnancy; the pregnancy that we planned, tried for over a year to get pregnant, and now at 19 weeks I am finally 'accepting' it.  But its true.

I guess its the same way that I had grief/mourning when I got married, accepting that I wasn't able to fly free after getting hitched, but that I always had an attachment, my husband.  And while I wanted to get married, just like I wanted to have a child, it's still a major life change and one that brings up fears and anticipation.    Josh and I have learned to become a pretty good team over the years and its a decision that I would make again in a heartbeat a million times over even though marriage is a lot of work.  Its worth it and we get better and better at it all the time.

The "its fine" answer that annoys me more than anything!

My husband Josh and I have been together for nearly 9 years and married for 7 this October,  I am so lucky to have him in my life and he helps me to become a better person everyday.    We are similar in a lot of ways but very opposite in others, and after years spent together we've learned when to use his strengths and when to use mine in our relationship.  But every now and then we both find out things about the other person that surprise us, and now with baby in our lives we notice these things more and more because we don't seem to be communicating as well as we typically do.

In a nutshell, Josh is a very positive person; he doesn't worry about things, he brushes things off easily, doesn't take anything personally and he has a quiet confidence that I am envious of, and that I hope he instills in our child.

I, on the other hand, have a tendency to worry about things and in the last few years Josh has picked up the very annoying habit of saying to me "it'll be fine" about every single thing that I 'worry' about, no matter what the intensity of the worry is.  This makes me think that he isn't actually listening to what I am really saying.  He just assumes I worry about everything and doesn't take the time to understand the deeper concern that I have.

On a lighter note; 18 weeks pregnant, my feelings and thoughts

I started this blog when I first found out I was pregnant 4 months ago and now I am 18 weeks along; nearly halfway there!  In the time that I have written this, I can see the emotional changes and physical changes that I've gone through.  Reading early posts reminds me of how sick I felt and how anxiety ridden I was the first few months.   The hormones are nuts during pregnancy, especially during the first trimester, so much is going on with your body very suddenly and your mind is trying to deal with it all.
Lately, I feel a lot more grounded and comfortable, I'm definitely not as stressed about being pregnant and nor am I as sick; in the last few weeks I even was able to start cooking dinner again, something Josh is very happy about.   For a while I couldn't even think of anything except for surviving day by day during the, trying not to be anxious, and dealing with headaches (that still plague me, but less often).  Then at week 10 things started to subside a little and life was a lot more bearable and each week after that things just started to feel more normal.   The strange dreams weren't so scary (just weird) and stopped containing death or dying or the threat of death or dying, the smell of the refrigerator didn't make me want to barf, I was able to eat meat again, my anxiety subsided and I finally feel normal-ish.   Its such a relief!  I am in the second trimester now, the part of pregnancy that lots of women seem to enjoy and it has been the best part of pregnancy so far.  Part of that is because I finally feel better, its so nice to not feel like you have the flu 24/7 for 3 months.