Stream of consciousness writing is what I enjoy, and I know you're thinking, 'Oh, how very Virginia Woolf of you,' right? She IS one of my inspirations, but picking back up this blog is directly related to one of my new favorite bloggers Kelli Hampton. You can find her blog here. But it was this post, which inspired me to continue blogging, and myself and documenting my life as a mama: one who works from home, takes care of a little spitfire named Magnolia and attempts to enjoy my creative outlets of photography, hiking, music and loving life! I've been writing here, on and off, since 2007 and you've seen my interests change, my hobbies grow into full time jobs and shared in our adventures, and I am eager to continue that again.
And here I sit here with writers block. Really? Yup.
Truth is, there isn't a week that goes by, that I don't think about writing in this blog, I have so much to say about the past year: about mothering a high-needs baby, changing my business, balancing life and work and fun. But, why don't I start this back up again? I truly don't know, lack of time surely, but sometimes wonder if I am scared. In this blog, I really put myself 'out there' in a lot of ways by writing. There is no way I can keep my opinions to myself about anything and it really shows in my writing, while I get mostly amazing comments and feedback, I also post things that not everyone agrees with. Sometimes people feel hurt, sometimes I feel hurt. Its all part of 'putting it out there' on this blog. But after reading Kelli's post that I mentioned above, even though she made a similar but different point, it resonated with me and gave me the courage to keep writing. For nothing more than its good for my soul.
This past year has changed me profoundly, but then I think back about being pregnant and how that experience changed me significantly. I definitely grew as a person while pregnant, a very opinionated and hormonal person, but pregnancy brought about change and growth.
Then I think of the first year of Magnolia's life and I can see how that first year IS truly the hardest, surely there will be other hard times and ages, but that first year is really difficult. Adjusting as a family of three, adjusting in the new role of motherhood and full-time caregiver to a tiny human who needed so much. And oh, how she cried and cried, who wants to read blog posts from a stressed out mama whose child wouldn't stop crying? (whats wrong with her? you should take her to a doctor? why is she crying?)
I would call my husband crying myself because I couldn't find what she needed, I'd tell him that I was not cut-out for this, I even had a few blog posts about it. Even as recently as last fall. But things are so very different now. They are fun. Life is pretty darn fun.
Usually, by Friday I am tired, and a little at the end of my rope (like anyone ready for the weekend); but my impatient-ness has grown leaps and bounds in the last year. I can see myself growing into motherhood, which is something not spoken about enough. We expect mothers to instantly have a connection with their child, but it takes time to form a bond with a person who you just met. Plus, the tiny human and doesn't communicate very effectively (or we aren't good at understanding cry, and cry louder). Like any job or new task you get better at it with practice and a child is daily, constant, practice and the learning curve is steep, but once you figure it out, it brings such joy!
Here are some photos of our joy, Magnolia.
|First tea party|
|She hates snow, a lot. |
This is also the snowsuit I had when I was 1, in 1980.
|She was pretty excited about walking on her own last fall.|
|We went to Florida, a family of three. Last year, we visited with a 4 month old baby, what a different time we had this year, mostly because my parents were there, but Magnolia was a lot more fun too!|