On a lighter note; 18 weeks pregnant, my feelings and thoughts

I started this blog when I first found out I was pregnant 4 months ago and now I am 18 weeks along; nearly halfway there!  In the time that I have written this, I can see the emotional changes and physical changes that I've gone through.  Reading early posts reminds me of how sick I felt and how anxiety ridden I was the first few months.   The hormones are nuts during pregnancy, especially during the first trimester, so much is going on with your body very suddenly and your mind is trying to deal with it all.
Lately, I feel a lot more grounded and comfortable, I'm definitely not as stressed about being pregnant and nor am I as sick; in the last few weeks I even was able to start cooking dinner again, something Josh is very happy about.   For a while I couldn't even think of anything except for surviving day by day during the, trying not to be anxious, and dealing with headaches (that still plague me, but less often).  Then at week 10 things started to subside a little and life was a lot more bearable and each week after that things just started to feel more normal.   The strange dreams weren't so scary (just weird) and stopped containing death or dying or the threat of death or dying, the smell of the refrigerator didn't make me want to barf, I was able to eat meat again, my anxiety subsided and I finally feel normal-ish.   Its such a relief!  I am in the second trimester now, the part of pregnancy that lots of women seem to enjoy and it has been the best part of pregnancy so far.  Part of that is because I finally feel better, its so nice to not feel like you have the flu 24/7 for 3 months.

Maybe I should clarify...

Since starting to write about pregnancy on my blog, I have received so many comments, emails, and even a handwritten letter about my thoughts and experiences as well as other people's opinions and their experiences and I am amazed at the numerous remarks!   I have been writing blogs since 2007 and I have received more input in the last 3 months on this topic than I have for any blog that I have written in all the years combined!   Which, to me, is really exciting and interesting to have finally generated a topic of conversation and opinion; but its also a hot button topic right now.  What I didn't expect is that so many people would take this blog personally or see themselves in the blog.
My thoughts on this subject have come from years of being interested in childbirth, starting when I was taking entry to midwifery classes in college; I have absorbed every birth story from friends to hippiesew members (way back in the day) to birth stories I read on the web, and every pregnancy discussion over all the years including those with my friends,  or members of the numerous groups that I am part of online, friends from years past especially those in college or high school friends who have shared their experiences with me and their births, my family, and lots more.   This has been a subject discussed at length, because it interests me.  I am also fortunate to know many medical professionals, from doulas, to midwives to physician assistants, doctors and nurses.  All of these people have knowledge and opinions on the subject of childbirth and I have discussed it with many people at different points in time.  So when people read this blog and think they may be the topic or subject of the post, I get confused, because I am writing this about me.  I have no intention to make anyone hurt, or that I am calling out anyone in particular, or that I only have talked to *you* about this subject.  I have had numerous people think I am talking about them, and really, I am not!   I am making huge generalizations about the percentages of women who breastfeed or have epidurals, and many other things, so don't think this is about *anyone* in particular.

Controversy over everything during pregnancy; even the books don't havethe same info!

~* written from my perspective; pregnant for the first time, nervous, and hormonal; take these posts with a grain of salt please *~

I posted part 1 of my blog a couple of weeks ago, it was written in part early on in my pregnancy and then 2 weeks ago.  There was so much that came up with the topic, I wanted to continue it in another post.

One point that I didn't include in my previous post is regarding the information in the pregnancy books.  There are so many books about pregnancy to choose from out there, and each one of those says something different about key information during pregnancy. I can open up 4 different books on my shelf right now and get conflicting answers about almost everything during pregnancy.  I have started to pick and choose from books the answers that I like best, and since they are in a book, well, it must be true, right?  One of my books even states as a fact that you should skip the gym because exercise during pregnancy doesn't help with labor and delivery.  I was shocked to read that, because common sense says that its probably better to be fit than not fit, why not keep up minor exercise during pregnancy?

The controversy over EVERYTHING during pregnancy; tylenol, wine, highlights?

[caption id="attachment_245" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="No, this wasn't my beer. "][/caption]

~* written from my perspective; pregnant for the first time, nervous, and hormonal; take these posts with a grain of salt please *~
Written partly in early April, partly today May 10th, 2011.

It’s still really weird to call myself a mom; I can write it, but saying it out loud is hard and knowing I am responsible for someone is even harder and the responsibility starts during gestation by the choices you make.  So, now comes the gray area of every mom-to-be; how do you handle your pregnancy, how do you choose from all the conflicting advice and evidence even in the medical community regarding what is safe and not safe during pregnancy?   I think there are more gray areas during pregnancy then there are statistics showing actual evidence one way or another; here is what I mean.  Is it okay to take Tylenol or  Benadryl when needed or highlight your hair, what about having a glass of wine, or an albacore tuna sandwich, get a manicure/pedicure, drink herbal tea, take herbs, etc., etc., and the list goes on and on.  I am sure some of you said 'yes' and others said 'no' to each of these things. 

Week 10; Something Changed and Baby on the Brain 24/7?

~* written from my perspective; pregnant for the first time, nervous, and hormonal; take these posts with a grain of salt please *~
Written Early April at 10 Weeks:
At about week 10, I started to feel a change.  It was almost like I woke up one day and didn’t feel as queasy or anxious.  I remember learning in college (I took lots of child birthing classes) that a woman’s hormone levels can just drop instantly and that immediately makes them feel better and I was sure this had happened.  I wasn’t sweating as much, my stomach didn’t demand food quite as often and my nausea declined significantly.  I could feel a difference within 1 day and it was amazing and I was so grateful.

Stroller Wars; and my apologies.

~* written from my perspective; pregnant for the first time, nervous, and hormonal; take these posts with a grain of salt please *~
When I started this blog, I wanted to share all my feelings and experiences regarding this pregnancy, and I was prepared for criticism and negative comments toward me and the way I handle pregnancy.  But the last thing that I wanted was to make other people I love feel hurt by my writing; I made a family member pretty sad in a prior post so I tried to be more vague in future posts and that didn't work either.  Unfortunately, being vague can make anyone (everyone) reading the blog feel bad for their actions, even when it wasn't directed at them and I apologize for this.  I receive lots of comments to my email regarding what I write, some great, some negative, and I have considered stopping writing so candidly because of this.  However, my husband insists that I need to keep writing, 'even if its not positive about him" (his words) because he can see how writing this has helped me.  Saying, "with all the things I have tried to do over the years to handle some of my fears, this is working for me the best for my pregnancy".   So, I will forge onward with a lesson learned and hope I can do better in the future .  I love and value all of my friends and family.

Getting kicked out of the 'no kids' club and initiated into the 'moms' club.

~* written from my perspective; pregnant for the first time, nervous, and hormonal; take these posts with a grain of salt please *~
Week 9, Written early April.
There are so many things that surprise you when you are pregnant, your body, your hormones, your feelings, but what surprised me the most was the reactions of friends/family.   I noticed pretty immediately that things with all of our friends changed after announcing the pregnancy, we didn’t get emails about happy hour or late night gatherings that we might have usually received, I didn’t receive congratulations or even a word spoken from several friends who don’t have kids.  Yet, I got a lot more emails, calls, and visits from friends with kids who were checking up on me, asking how I was doing, bringing supplies and nausea friendly foods.   This really bothered me because I don’t feel like a mom yet, I just feel like me, but with restrictions and I felt like I didn’t really belong anywhere.  Not with the moms yet, not with the ‘kids free’ friends either.  It was like getting kicked out of a club that I always belonged to, and initiated into a club that I never really knew existed.  *Now, certainly every person’s life is busy and I am generalizing as a whole with what I say here, if you are reading this and you are a friend, don’t take it personally, combined with my body surging with hormones makes a person a little more sensitive to the little things; see disclaimer above.

(First Trimester) Pregnancy; its really not how you think it'll be. For real.

~ * written from my perspective; pregnant for the first time, nervous, and hormonal; take these posts with a grain of salt please *~
Weeks 7 – 8;  Written March 23rd
I noticed one thing right away when becoming pregnant, it’s not what you think it’s going to be, or what you have read about, it’s entirely different. Really!  Remember this if you have a pregnant friend, or are planning on kiddos in your future so you won’t be as shocked as I was.   I remember telling one friend in week 5 that I felt sick and nauseas already, she promptly responded that I couldn’t feel that way yet, it was too early in my pregnancy and I either had to be farther along, or just making it up in my head.   Not a good thing to say to a pregnant lady!  But I sure did feel sick, from 4-5 weeks to week 10 at least.  Everyone's pregnancy is different, from morning sickness to headaches, fatigue and delivery.  No-one is standard, text-book; and there are variations from the norm, like me, getting sick early on in pregnancy.  I had insomnia even before I knew I was pregnant!