'Mama said there'd be days like this'

I don't know whether its teeth, or just the age of independence, but parenting Magnolia these days, weeks, has been very hard.  She just turned 18 months old, and while the joy she brings to us gets better and better, sometimes we go through a phase that is so hard that it brings me to tears and we are smack in the middle of one.  This usually results in me crying a bit, putting Magnolia in her crib for some much needed mother breaks to regroup, eat, drink, hydrate and prepare for the next round. And whining to my husband about moving back to Michigan where our families can help out.  This is a constant for me, I love Colorado so much, but raising a child without help from family is not easy. 

Finding my 'style' -- how to find your style or brand?

One of the things that I think is most important when you have your own business, especially one that is artistic, is defining your style or brand and carrying that through all of the work you do.  Its one of my biggest struggles as an artist.  
What is my style?  If I had to define it in one word, I think it would be 'eclectic.'  Never have I liked just one style, I am ever changing and love a variety of things.  Always looking for something new and different; a new place to hike, a new piece to create, a new way to edit my photos.  But how does this ever-changing style develop into a brand?  
I don't know -- I wish I did, which is why I am writing this post.  

Will I ever get these kid songs out of my head?

Seriously.  I can't stop singing 'kid songs,' it was over a week ago that I let Magnolia play with the tablet on kids mode; she likes to play videos and listen to the same songs, over and over again.  
When I really need some time to make dinner, or just a break from playing with her all day, I break out the tablet and let her play games.  Then, while she is playing, I suffer through, "Hold Still, Wiggle-wiggle-wiggle, GO!" and "I don't wanna go slow, I go fast" while I try to cook dinner.  
Then, apparently for the next month, the price to pay for making dinner was wake up singing these songs, going to sleep singing these songs; over and over, I sing these songs.  Because I am a big dork, I will break into song and dance at random times with these silly songs, which really cracks Magnolia up, but it reminds me that I am in full-on 'mom' mode now.  All about baby, all the time.  

Blogging, I Miss You

Blogging:  I love it.  I love reading blogs nad I love writing them.  Its one of my favorite hobbies, and the best way for me to clear my head of all the stuff I am trying to balance. 

Stream of consciousness writing is what I enjoy, and I know you're thinking, 'Oh, how very Virginia Woolf of you,' right?  She IS one of my inspirations, but picking back up this blog is directly related to one of my new favorite bloggers Kelli Hampton.  You can find her blog here.  But it was this post, which inspired me to continue blogging, and myself and documenting my life as a mama:  one who works from home, takes care of a little spitfire named Magnolia and attempts to enjoy my creative outlets of photography, hiking, music and loving life!   I've been writing here, on and off, since 2007 and you've seen my interests change, my hobbies grow into full time jobs and shared in our adventures, and I am eager to continue that again. 

Mothering? Maybe I am just not cut out for this.

Being a parent is hard; being a work from home mother is even harder.  I struggle juggling a very part time job (that we need) and a very busy, fussy, strong-willed baby.  I usually feel like I am not doing enough with her, while I am trying to get work done, then feed her, take a walk, clean up our messes from play, cooking dinner, etc.  And then there is naptime.  The time when my blood pressure rises and I seriously wonder why we had children.  Naptime.  I love it.  I hate it.  My child doesn't sleep well.  Refuses to nap, and pretty much will scream in her crib for hours on end if we'd let her.  Yes, we have tried every method, I have read every book; we leave her to cry, we ferberize her, we don't let her cry and continually go into comfort her, I nurse her, change her, snuggle her, nothing works.  Right now we are in a rut, where she refuses her morning nap, even though she is tired; and she only takes 1 nap during the day, which lasts exactly 60 minutes.  Sixty minutes, that is all I have in my 11 hour day to take a break from hollering and screaming and demanding my time.  60 minutes to clean up, to try to finish work, to rest.  Its not enough for me, and its certainly not enough for her.  She gets up from this 1 hour nap cranky, and proceeds to get crankier as the afternoon goes on, and this continues right until bedtime.  It-is-hard.  

One of my favorite photos.

Who doesn't love a little daddy, daughter photo, especially one thats outside, in the sunset? 

Beauty in Nature and Animals

I have always been inspired by the beauty in nature.  Mountain landscapes, scenic lakes and rivers, wild animals, and the changes the seasons brings each with it's own beauty make me want to snap endless photos. 
This page offers a collection of my favorite photos.  

Down by the Tracks, Photo Shoot Hillsdale, Michigan

While in Michigan, I got to do a family photo shoot with my sister in law who is also a photographer, Magnolia, cousin Amy, cousin Aleecia, Josh and I, Nena (gramma) and some friends Brian and Rachel.   We had a great time and got a ton of great shots, I have added several of my favorites here.  The light was just perfect for the shots, if only Magnolia could be as interested in the camera as our niece Aleecia is.  

The sun was setting and it was just cool enough to be bearable as we set up our props and started snapping shots.  Even the animals were interested in what we were doing and they came out to check us out, a mother deer with her two fawns complete with spots, a baby squirrel and another deer from the other side of the tracks popped out to say 'hi.'  It was a beautiful sight and made for great photos and memories. 

Mills Children Photo Session -- Sun and Shadows

Josh, Magnolia and I spent a half of a month in Michigan this June/July and while I was there, I was lucky enough to meet up with a friend from elementary and middle school for a photoshoot of her kids!  Mary and her two kiddos, Joe and Ann met me at Mrs. Stocks Park in Hillsdale, Michigan for a session on a bright and sunny day!  Immediately, I could see the shadows everywhere and I loved including the shadow of every object into my shots!  The kids ran around in the beautifully landscaped scenery of the park, which, if it was in Colorado, would be packed with people and dogs, yet its nearly empty each time I have been here.  A gem for a photo shoot!  

Photo Sessions for the Denver area!

I am excited to offer photography sessions for the Denver metro area!  

We all know that a good photo is priceless, and long gone is the day when we step into the portrait studio with fake backgrounds; instead taking photos at a favorite outdoor location, or in your home are much more memorable and intimate.   Photography sessions should be fun, and when they are; the greatest moments can be captured digitally and remembered forever.  
Check out my pricing options below; I like to keep it simple:  Book a session and receive a CD and digital copies of your edited photo session with rights to print them as you'd like. 

Am I hearing things? I think I am....

Can you hear her crying?  I can!

Ever since we had Magnolia and brought this little bundle joy home, I've heard a baby crying.  Lots of it. 
Magnolia cries a lot, or at least she did until 6 months of age; but even when she's not actually crying, I can still hear her.  Do other mom's have this?   There are days where I can barely get the crying out of my head and I wonder; am I going a little crazy?   Am I going to hear phantom baby cries for the rest of my life? 
Not only do I hear her cry, but I hear her laugh, I hear the musical toys playing and I hear her squealing.  The other night, her musical toy kept playing over and over as I sat downstairs as I was relaxing on the couch, and I couldn't understand why my husband was not turning to toy off, surely it was annoying him too?!  Finally, I went upstairs and quickly realized, there is no toy playing music, I'm just hearing things again. 

Monthly Milestone Photos

A few months ago I found this idea from a blogger on pinterest; take a good photo of your child and add all of their monthly milestones to it!  I loved the idea, mostly because it's easy and fun to make.  I found the idea when Magnolia was 4 months old, and created a photo for each month, even though it was hard to find photos that offered space to type.  For her 6 month birthday I did a photo shoot (basically dressed her in something cute and took a bunch of photos), chose one that I liked that offered space to type, and then waited until the end of the month to fill it in.  Magnolia will be turning 7 months old on the 5th (where did the time go?) and I'll do another photo shoot for her pretty soon.  I hope to create a frame for all of the photos, maybe for a year, or maybe longer; we'll see...

Things NOT to say to a new mother

Fussy baby Magnolia -- can you hear her?

While I was pregnant, I blogged frequently about how many people feel the need to force their opinions on you about pregnancy, health and babies; and I had hoped it would go away once the baby was here, but how wrong I was!  No matter what, people feel the need to open their mouths and comment on everything about baby.  I have had a few encounters that left me feeling very upset and sad.  But first, I should mention that Magnolia was a colicky baby, the definition of colic means that a baby cries more than 3 times per week for more than 3 hours at a time, for more than 3 weeks.  Check, check, check.  Yup, colic!   Magnolia would cry for HOURS on end, no matter what we did for her, nurse, rock, walk, drive, stroller, carrier, soothe, etc etc etc...nothing worked!  She just kept crying.  So as a frustrated mama, I would mention this to people; who would respond with, "whats wrong with your baby?"  Which, of course, never makes any mother feel good.  You begin to think, what IS wrong with my baby?  Why is she so fussy?  I began to look for things that were wrong, does her stomach hurt, is she scared; we spent a LOT of money on alternative therapies for her to make her stop crying, cranio-sacral therapy, naturopathic medicine, numerous homeopathic remedies, trips and phone calls to the doctor, to the midwives, to my mom, my husband, in tears...why won't she stop crying?  But she did, finally.  At 5 months, she chilled out and went from being the biggest fusser to being only mildly fussy.  What was wrong with her?  Nothing.  

I'm back!

I'm back!  Well, sort of.  My blog is back, and that is good news, but my website is still missing a web host (any suggestions?) and then the actual time to transfer it (anyone want to send me some spare time?) and then I'll be fully back.  For now, I am just happy to be back to blogging because I missed it so much.  Let me update you with all the on-goings of life in the very short time Magnolia is napping. 
First, I have been very busy as a mama, Magnolia is now 6.5 months old and I can't believe so much time has flown by!  Every parent always says 'they grow up so fast' and I always nodded my head, not really fully understanding what every parent meant, until now.  

Magnolia is such a blessing, she is a feisty, determined, smart little girl that keeps me on my toes all the time!  The last 6 months have been the hardest of my life, but also the most rewarding.  Much more on this to come.  

Following up on baby sleep schedule and new etsy items!

I finally got another chance to blog, something that I have been thinking about for weeks since my last post!  Since then, I have gotten a little more organized; I have been writing down Magnolia's schedule on a calender tool that I found, cozi.com, and she has been a little more regular with her sleep schedule, but nothing definitive.  She takes a morning nap, afternoon nap, and a bunch of catnaps in between.  While she doesn't go down for rest at the same time each day;  I am hoping that we can work toward that in the future so that I can have some predictable work time.
The calender tool that I found is called Cozi (www.cozi.com); it just so happens that it's the same tool that Josh and I have been using for our grocery list for the past 6 months, and I decided to try to use it for everything else too.  While its not ideal for what I need, it is the best that I can find so far.  I am able to use the calender tool to write down Magnolia's daily naps, feedings and other information; cozi also has a shopping list where I jot down groceries and other items that we need and it interfaces with Josh's email so that he logs in and sees what is on the list and can add his own items.  The calender also has a  "to do" list that we use for what needs to be done around the house and there is even a 'meal list' where you can save recipes that you enjoy.  The downfalls are that the recipes don't show up as images, just links, and the calender doesn't interface with other social media tools.  However, while its not perfect, its usable and that is what I am looking for right now.

Getting organized as a WAHM (work at home mom)

It's been a long time since I posted here and I sure do miss blogging!  Magnolia is now 3 months old, she went from being this teeny little infant who only slept, ate and cried; who now interacts, smiles, plays and is much more entertaining.   Its amazing to watch her grow and change each day, but I am starting to feel a little frazzled with our daily routine, or lack of one.   Because we don't have a routine, I think it makes it harder to get things done; for instance, I really miss blogging and I always have lots to say, but no time to write!  Maybe working toward a schedule will help me find time for blogging and keeping my posts shorter and more to the point will help me to be able to post weekly,  along with scheduling time to do other things during the day.  Right now, I struggle with trying to get my contract work in, have quality time with Magnolia, getting my craft on, social media networking, blogging and other daily chores like cooking and cleaning.  With all this to do each day, you can see how easy it is to become overwhelmed, plus being a new mom isn't an easy task in and of itself.  My goal; to get into a routine that allows some flexibility but also specifies time for my crafts, networking, blogging, working and of course spending quality time with Magnolia.  I have always had visions of having an online calender like outlook, plotting my weekly routine and implelmenting it, even before having a baby this is what I wanted to do, but never accomplished doing.  However, I am going to make a real effort this time and hopefully it will pay off and I can change my day into a routine that works for both Magnolia and I.

My Birth Story

The Birth of Magnolia:
Sharing this birth story is very hard for me, because I have a birth sotry that I didn't want, I wanted to deliver at our local birth center Mountain Midwifery Center (MMC) but was unable to due to unexpected circumstances.  Being an MMC client, a transfer to the hospital is a dirty word, it’s the last thing in the world you want, and it’s the worst thing possible; at least in my mind. But maybe sharing this will help me heal mentally because I don’t know how to stop grieving for the birth that I had always wanted. I know this is very long and if you get through this whole story, I thank you for reading it.  My story actually starts way back in the year 2000; I was in college and got very interested in midwifery when I was in my junior year. I took many midwifery classes and I knew that if I were to have children someday, I would not have them in a hospital setting. When Josh and I started trying to have a baby, I did some research to find a place to deliver outside of the hospital and came across the Mountain Midwifery Birth Center.

I read birth stories on their blog and loved them, the staff seemed great and the classes they required were exactly what I wanted to learn about during my pregnancy.  I knew we had found the right place to deliver our child. In Feb, 2011, we found out that we were pregnant and I scheduled our orientation at the birth center.

What's important, the birth experience or just having a healthy baby?

Sometimes, I think about a blog post for weeks before writing, while other times, it practically writes itself. I think this is my way of releasing fear and apprehension about birthing, or at least giving that fear a voice; blogging helps me think through that fear.  Yesterday I hit a pregnancy milestone of being full term, 37 weeks pregnant, I have been waiting for this week to come because I know that the baby can come anytime now and we will be able to deliver at the birth center.  Even though my pregnancy could last 5 more weeks, being full term really puts the birth right in the forefront of my mind, we need to be ready to go at any moment.  I am a little nervous, but excited too, writing this helps me let go of one of my biggest fears, that my journey into motherhood doesn't matter.

Thoughts on pregnancy from the 3rd trimester - 36 weeks.

Pregnancy has been such a learning experience for me; it was something that I had been apprehensive of, even scared of to some extent and it has definitely challenged me in many ways.  Each trimester has brought a new set questions and revelations that challenged me mentally, physically and emotionally.

The Name Game - 33 weeks pregnant

One thing that I wanted to discuss in this blog is what I call The Name Game.   Deciding on a name for your child, deciding whether to tell people the names you are thinking of, or keep them secret; or taking it to the other end of the spectrum and choosing a name while baby is in utero then calling the baby that name until they are born and creating a personality around the name you have already chosen.   Somewhere in the middle of keeping names a secret, and deciding a name right away are those folks who wait until baby is born and you meet them before choosing a name that suits them.  I guess I will start by saying we are the former of those choices; I don't know what I will choose to name this little one until I meet him or her, maybe she does look like those names I keep tossing around in my head, but maybe she/he does not?  So, I am going with the 'roll with it' philosophy and we will choose a name when we meet this little stranger.